Swine flu. Run for my life!
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
