So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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