I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
