That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
