I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
God, I missed his penis.
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