I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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