we're blogging at a bar
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
