Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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