please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
