I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
