ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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