I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
