But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I am never drinking with the goths again.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
