Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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