My room smells like vodka and shame
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize