The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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