I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
