we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
