Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
