Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
