I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
