if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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