Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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