I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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