ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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