Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He passed out mid-signature
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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