I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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