friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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