She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
