no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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