marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
