We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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