He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
