Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
