Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
