It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
