So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
