I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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