I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize