OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
