Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
