Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
