I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
