no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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