So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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