Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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