sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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