Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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