david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
