Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
