I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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