It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He? As in you personified your dick?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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