Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
