I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
