Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
