Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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