I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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