Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
