yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
