Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
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