My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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