I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
