My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
