do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
