Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
