Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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