If i come over, it means nothing
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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