Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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