The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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