New invention idea: vibrating tampons
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
