Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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