While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
