Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
