Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
