I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize