You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
