Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
