Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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